Do You Like Cheesy Pick-Up Lines?
by TeriyakiMaki
Summary: Lovino Vargas has had a terrible day a work. And drinking away his sorrows at a bar was not seeming to help one bit. Well, that is, until a certain Spaniard comes along and joins him. Rated M for profane language and smut. Spamano AU. One-shot.


"So, do you come here often?"

It was the cheesiest, most cliché, pick-up line anybody could use at a bar.

And Lovino was going to take it anyways.

Lovino turned around to see a tall, nicely tanned man, and a bright, vivid pair of emerald eyes, cast in his direction. "And if I do?" The Italian complied. He'd had a terribly sucky day at work, and a little harmless flirting, with a perfectly handsome man at that, would take his mind off of it.

The man smiled a tad triumphantly at the success of his pick-up line, and pulled out a seat from the bar to sit himself beside Lovino. Lovino took this opportunity to eye the man before him. He had, like said, tanned skin, dazzling green eyes, dark, unruly, brown hair, and was tall and well-built. And judging by the slight lisp and roll of his r's that accented his voice, this man was most-likely Spanish.

"My name is Antonio, but you can call me Toni~" Antonio greeted cheerfully and ordered some kind of alcohol from the bartender. "What's your name?"

Lovino scoffed, "Why the hell would I tell you? We just met, bastardo." He pointed out and took a sip from his glass of wine.

Instead of being put off by Lovino's attitude like most people, Antonio simply chuckled. Okay, that was _not _normal. Wasn't the guy going to call him a jerk or flip him the bird or something? "Si, lo siento, we should get to know each other a bit better first." The Spaniard smiled, not the least bit phased by Lovino's hostility, and drank a little from his own beverage.

…

Fuck it. Antonio was really nice so far, and if he could put up with Lovino's attitude, then he must be _really _nice. And for this, Lovino decided he'd stick around the Spanish bastard for just a _few _more drinks.

Or four.

Or maybe seven.

Before they knew it, the two had laughed, cried, and drunk about 6-10 glasses of alcohol, and it was still barely around 11:00 at night.

"H-Haha! Oi, idiota, listen, I have a proposal-" Lovino hiccupped and threw a hand on Antonio's shoulder, "Proposal." He corrected himself and Antonio giggled.

"Si? Wha' is it?"

Lovino grinned and sprawled himself over Antonio's lap, looking up. "You, me, how 'bout we ge' out of this damn dump?" He slurred, grabbing Antonio by the sleeves. Damn… Antonio was fucking hot. How the fuck did he get so hot? It's fucking unfair and-

"Wha' do ya' mean?"

Oh yeah, he'd asked Antonio a question.

Lovino groaned and sat up, leaning forward on the counter of the bar. "Are you fucking schtupid?" He snapped, over-slurring the word "stupid". He sighed, bringing his hands to his forehead, "Do ya' wanna do the do?" The Italian asked again bluntly. "Damn, I schhh-swear you're such a dummy-dumb-dumb-dumbass and-"

"Okay."

"Okay? Wha' the hell do ya' mean 'okay'?" Lovino sneered, raising a puzzled frown at the Spaniard.

"I mean, okay, let's do th' do." Antonio clarified, beginning to lean closer to Lovino and setting his glass on the bar counter beside him.

But no, Lovino wasn't going to let this guy have his way so easily. Antonio was going to have to _earn _it now.

The smaller of the two men smirked, deciding to mess with Antonio and tease him first. Besides, wasn't it only fair? Antonio was practically _asking _to be teased when he was being the oblivious fuck he is and questioned Lovino's suggestion. So he was going to get it. "Oh no, never mind. If you don't want to, we don't have to. I just supposed maybe you'd like to, but it seems I was wrong." Lovino mocked and shrugged simply, as if the matter wasn't anything to bother with really. The lie was even more convincing when he realized the slur to his voice had died away.

"What? N-No! I never said I didn't want to!" Antonio gaped, waving his hands in the air in front of him in response to the "misunderstanding".

Despite the Spaniard's protests, Lovino still refused to give in, and continue with acting as if he was no longer up for the offer. "No, no, it's fine, you really don't have to. Perhaps another time, maybe then you'll be willing." He assured, taking a sip of his wine. Antonio was going to have to take the hard way, whether he liked it or not.

Antonio pouted and turned back to face the bar counter in silence, disappointed at the lost chance.

Damn, maybe Lovino's acting was just a little _too_ convincing.

Lovino scowled and decided to do something a little more embarrassing since Antonio was being dumb enough to actually believe in his acting. That's right, he was going to do it.

The art of seduction.

Lovino hummed and very obviously pulled the wine glass back to his lips for a sip, as well as pulling back Antonio's attention. The Italian acted as if he hadn't noticed Antonio's prying gaze as he very "clumsily" allowed dribbles of wine roll down his soft chin, inevitably dripping down onto the exposed skin at the unbuttoned collar of his shirt. The younger gave a soft tsk as he felt the beverage hit his flesh and lowered his wine glass, sending a quick glance to check if Antonio was still watching, which he was.

"Dammit, I spilt my wine." Lovino cursed and unbuttoned his shirt a little lower, already feeling the Spaniard's intense and heated gaze undressing him, hungering for more of the other's golden olive skin to reveal itself. When he felt he'd revealed enough skin to raise the chances higher that the other man would give into temptation, Lovino looked up from his clothing and locked eyes with him. They stared at each other for a moment before Lovino found a firm hand resting, no, gripping his upper thigh, sending a wave of electricity through the Italian as the hand inched closer to the awakened region.

Much to his embarrassment, the Italian had involuntarily allowed a hitched sigh of desire slip from his pursed lips. And Antonio had hastily took this as his own breaking point and leaned over quickly to crash his lips with Lovino's.

Lovino squeaked and was quick to tangle his hands in Antonio's soft, unruly hair. He held their sloppy kiss a moment longer before the fact of where they were hit him. "A-Ah-Antonio, le' go-" He mumbled, trying to break the lustful Spaniard off of him.

"No," Antonio replied firmly, ghosting his lips over to Lovino's chin and beginning to lick the sticky remains of wine, eventually moving on to tend to licking the neck.

"A- No' here," Lovino gulped and managed to stand up and pry the older man off of himself. "somewhere else, there's a motel nearby. Let's g' there." Just for guarantee he pointed towards the direction of the motel.

Antonio stood up and took Lovino's hand as he paced out the exit of the bar to quicken the amount of time it'd take for them to reach the motel.

.

It had felt like only five minutes until they arrived at the motel, paid for their room as well as receiving their key when they stood at the door to the room, fumbling hurriedly with the locks. The two let out a sigh of relief as the click of the door sounded, and they pushed through the door, making sure to close it for they wouldn't want any people passing by to witness the evolving scene.

Lovino let out a groan in content as he was pushed to the bed and when the other's lips met his in a bruising kiss. It had been a long time since he'd gotten laid, a _long _time. And now that his long-term sexual needs were being fulfilled, he was going to enjoy it, and he was going to enjoy it good.

Antonio worked fast to remove Lovino of his shoes, socks, trousers, shirt, and briefs to make the foreplay a little easier. Gripping the Italian by the hips as he took one of the pert, tender buds into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it in fluid movements, earning a pleasured cry from the younger man in response. Antonio persisted on and bit softly and teasingly down, pulling away with a satisfying *_pop_*. He hummed as he pressed his hands lower from Lovino's hips, daring to take the aroused member within his own grasp. "Antonn-!" Lovino moaned, shutting his eyes tight and throwing his head to the side. The Italian longingly wrapped his arms around Antonio's neck, and pulled him in for another fervent and sloppy kiss. Antonio nibbled gently at the smaller man's lower lip, sucking on it while feeling soft, nimble, and cold hands working clumsily at the buttons on his shirt.

Antonio chuckled thickly against Lovino's skin, his hot breath sending shivers through Lovino's body. "Let me help you there," He breathed, pulling Lovino's hands away and sitting up to unbutton his own shirt and throw it off.

Lovino allowed himself to selfishly run his gaze over Antonio's exposed and perfectly tanned and sculpted body. Damn… This man was fucking sexy. Anybody with eyes could see that. And Lovino felt incredibly lucky that he was here, right now, about to get laid by just that incredibly sexy man.

Lovino ran his hands over Antonio's chest as the Spaniard pressed against him, grinding their throbbing groins together, the much needed friction drawing out long sultry moans from each other's lips. His breath hitched when he felt the warm, large hands roughly rubbing the Italian's erection. "A-Antoni-_oh!_"

A warm stirring occurred from within Lovino's stomach as Antonio nipped his thumb teasingly on the head of Lovino's member. "I-I can't-!" The smaller man cried, feeling his release and watching with hot, half-lidded eyes when the sticky fluid was painted across each of their bodies.

"Already, _mi lindo?_" Antonio purred against the other's throat seductively, lightly ghosting fingers around his nipples again. "We haven't even gotten started." Antonio lowered himself down Lovino's body, grabbing him by the hips and beginning to flick his tongue into the white fluid spread messily on Lovino's stomach.

"Wha-What are you doing, idiota?!" Lovino breathed, watching with wide eyes as the tan man above him licked at the result of his release. "That shit is nasty as fuck! Y-You don't ha-"

"It's okay, you taste good."

"C-Che?"

"I said you taste good." Antonio lifted his head slightly, smirking in clear amusement as Lovino opened and closed his mouth like a fish.

The Spaniard took Lovino's silence as approval to continue, and he proceeded to run his tongue slowly through the milky fluid, tightening his grip a little more on his hips.

Fuck, his tongue felt _so _good! He'd be lying if he said that Antonio was terrible at this, it was undeniable. Every lick sent Lovino through a wave of electricity, just making him hunger for more and more. He wanted the skilled man to touch him more, and lick him in the most unspeakable of places. Sure, he had had a couple of good fucks every now and then when he wanted, but none had ever compared to this what-so-ever. Other times with any other person, they'd either be too unexperienced, or they'd keep the foreplay going on for way too long, or sometimes they were just plain out too sloppy. But fuck, _Antonio._ Antonio was absolutely perfect. A fucking piece of art he was.

"Do you like that?" Antonio smirked knowingly as he drew a long moan from the Italian's mouth, a result from trailing his tongue even lower to slide along his cock which was at full attention. "Do you want more? Hm?" The Spaniard asked rhetorically, lifting Lovino's erection higher so he could flick his tongue around the head, and pepper it up and down slowly with heated kisses.

Eventually, inch by inch, Antonio began to take Lovino's cock into his mouth, taking more and more in until he felt himself actually deep throating the Italian. Antonio pursed his lips in a way around the other's cock, nipping softly with his teeth as he swirled his tongue around it's sides.

"Nn! F-Fuck, T-Toni!" Lovino moaned at the wet hotness of Antonio's mouth, burying his hands hastily in his soft, curly hair. He had to have it. Now. All of this sexually frustrating foreplay was beginning to get to Lovino, and it was driving him crazy. He no longer could tell himself to just push it all back and let Antonio do his own thing, he needed Antonio to do what _he _wanted now.

Lovino reluctantly pushed at Antonio's face and pulled himself out of the very confused Spaniard's mouth.

"What are you doing? I thought you-"

"Shut up and take off your damn pants."

Antonio blinked, thoroughly taken aback by the Italian's demanding tone of voice. "Um, okay." He nodded and fumbled with the buttons and zipper of his pants, clumsily sliding them as well as his boxers off of his legs. "Better?"

Oh _fuck him with a tomato and call him Bob._

_That, _was going to go _inside_ him? Antonio was huge! Which wasn't a bad thing of course, but still, would that even fit in him? Because damn!

Lovino gulped as he took in the view before him. He thought Antonio's upper body was spectacular, but never had he been more wrong. It was his lower body that deserved the high praises. Everything was fucking perfect. His thighs, calves, hips, cock- and don't even get him started on the Spaniard's ass. His ass was most definitely his best lower body feature. It was perfectly rounded, firm, and absolutely scrumptious. Like he said, this man was a fucking piece of art.

The Italian didn't even realize when he had pushed himself on top of the other man and lowered his face down to Antonio's erection. Dubiously he slipped his tongue a little to give a small lick to the head of Antonio's member. A few more tiny licks later, Lovino found himself quite accustomed to the taste and took the entire head into his mouth, receiving a small "Ah" from the Spaniard in response. Lovino felt himself grin around the erection and abruptly took in more of his cock, nestling his tongue on the top and carefully slipping it into the slit. Antonio groaned shakily and bucked his hips forward, giving the Italian more to take in and causing him to cough a little. Lovino breathed and raised his hands to take hold of Antonio's large length as he began bobbing his head up and down, lazily rolling his tongue and lapping up any pre-cum as he was doing so. Antonio moaned loudly at the tight sucking Lovino was delivering. Fuck, the Italian was _amazing._

"Mmfh!" Lovino breathed deeply, taken aback from Antonio's sudden inevitable orgasm shooting through his mouth. The fluid was hot and thick, and the younger man was surprisingly quick to swallow it.

"Ah! I'm sorry!" Antonio apologized at once, propping himself up on his elbows to gently lift Lovino's face upwards.

"Hn, s-shu' up," The Italian sat up wiping his mouth of any excess cum. "I jus' _really _wanted to taste you." He slurred, his own erection standing no higher than it had been earlier. "And now you have to do me a favor."

"Si? What is it? I'll do whatever you want." Antonio replied hastily. Fuck, Lovino looked so so hot right now! His eyes were half-lidded and heavy with lust, trails of cum still dripping down his chin and jaw, the peculiar curl was shriveled slightly, and his folded legs were spread in a vulnerable position, revealing his throbbing length.

Lovino's blush darkened and he fiddled his thumbs on the sheets. "I-I want you t-to… you know… s-stick it in." He mumbled.

Antonio grinned and pushed Lovino down onto the covers, pinning him to the bed. He'd been waiting for him to ask this all night, and he was going to savor it. "What? I'm sorry, I didn't hear that last part."

"B-Bastard! You know what I said! D-Don't make me repeat myself."

"I can't hear you."

"Urgh! I-I want y-you to stick it in!"

"What do you want me to stick in?"

"You know, it!"

"Excuse me?"

"FUCK! I want you to stick your damn dick inside me dammit!"

Antonio grinned victoriously. "First, shall we test how badly you want it?" He hummed in a somewhat dark tone. At that Antonio ghosted his fingertips around the Italian's puckered hole, smirking as he pushed one finger inside. "Dammit, you're so tight…" He growled, pushing the finger upwards more and earning a small whine of pain from the receiver. One more finger would help, right? The Italian was so tight! It was only reasonable of course! Squeezing another finger inside, Antonio began to spread the two fingers outwards in a scissoring motion as an attempt to loosen Lovino, although with no avail.

The Spaniard cursed to no one in particular. How in the world was he going to widen Lovino? How was he even going to get himself inside at that?

"A-Antonio," Lovino muttered, shyly pulling his face from his hands. "t-the curl, grab the c-curl, it'll help." Lovino never let _anyone _touch his curl, taking it's embarrassing effects into account. Not even during sex. Antonio better consider himself lucky that Lovino was even letting him look at it in general.

Antonio blinked in confusion. "Why do I need to grab your curl?" Not that he didn't want to pull the curl of course.

"J-Just fucking pull it already!"

With a simple and puzzled nod, Antonio hesitantly reached forward to take hold of the inquisitive curl. Lovino let out a long fervent moan at the touch, and Antonio suddenly felt the space around his fingers relax.

"Wow!" Antonio exclaimed vocally. "I didn't know this cute curl could do that!" The Spaniard rolled the curl around between his fingers on his free hand as he continued to finger Lovino below. Deciding Lovino was now wide enough, Antonio slid another finger up the hole, swaying his fingers around in circles.

"Nn-" Lovino whined, bringing the back of his hands to rest lazily over his heated face. "H-Hurry up, dammit!" He gulped, feeling his hips buck forward into the touch.

Antonio chuckled heatedly and dubiously pulled his fingers out of the Italian. Ehhh, neither one of them had any lube, and he doubted there would be anything useful that could be used as a substitute laying around the motel room. And he didn't want to just go without lube. That would hurt too much and wouldn't be enjoyable for either one of them, especially Lovino.

Antonio shrugged lightly and lifted his fingers to Lovino's stomach and dipped coated them in the still present cum. Then he lowered his fingers once again to the Italian's hole, pushing two digits in at the same time. The Spaniard smirked deviously as he moved his fingers around, eliciting a lust-laced moan from the other.

Lovino took shallow breaths as he threw his arms around Antonio's neck. "Sk-Skip that," He huffed, bringing his lips to Antonio's ear. "I really don't think either of us can wait anymore. Do you?"

The Spaniard gulped at the heat and hurriedly took his fingers from the hole to replace it with his member. "F-Fuck, you're so tempting…" He growled, slowly pushing himself inside. He groaned thickly at the heat surrounding him inside and gripped onto Lovino tightly by the hips as he slowly thrust in. Lovino cried in pleasure when Antonio repeatedly hit his prostate spot on and wrapped his legs around the older. Antonio's slow and savoring thrusts soon grew needier for more contact, and eventually grew faster and rougher with each thrust to meet both of their selfish needs.

"Mnn!~ A-Antoniooo!~" Lovino moaned loudly, his nails practically digging into the other's skin as he was thrust into. It wasn't long before the Italian released again and gave a relieved sigh, another layer of the milky, thick fluid painting over their mid-bodies.

Antonio huffed, still thrusting rhythmically until reaching his near release inside of Lovino and carefully slid himself out.

"That," Antonio breathed, plopping down on the bed next to Lovino. "was amazing."

"Lovino."

"What?"

"Lovino." Lovino mumbled, still trying to catch his breath as he turned to look at the Spaniard. "My name, it's Lovino. Lovino Romano Vargas." He informed, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

Antonio had used the cheesiest, most cliché pick-up line anyone could use at a bar.

And Lovino had fallen for him anyways.

**So Antonio found out Lovino's name in the end, yay!~**

**Ah, so here's that one-shot I was talking about. Did you like it? This was my first real lemon, so this one-shot sort of sucks. I'll try to write more one-shots from time to time to improve on writing smut, but for now I feel I need to focus more on My Dumb Teacher, I really need to end my reign of neglect towards that story. Thank you for reading, and I love you all. :3**

**((Btw, extra brownie points if you noticed the VeggieTales reference. XD I really couldn't help myself. XD))**

**Moomins and Pixies,**

**TeriyakiMaki~**


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